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A Challenge for WFRP 4 Fans

January 15, 2022 57 comments

Total War: WARHAMMER - The Monsters - YouTube

In 2020, shortly after WFRP 4th edition was released, I wrote up a number of creatures from the darker corners of Warhammer’s history with 4th edition rules and stats. The series proved quite popular, with some entries attracting as many as 7,000 views.

Then, as deadlines loomed on the final instalments of The Enemy Within Director’s Cut, the series petered out. The posts are still popular, and I’d like to do more. So I’ll make you a deal:

Simply put, I would like this blog to have more followers. Currently it has 457, which is no real reflection of the traffic it gets. So, here’s what I propose:

In the comments section below this post, tell me about any creatures from any edition of Warhammer or WFRP, or any never-statted Citadel/GW miniatures, that you would like to see for WFRP 4. Whenever WordPress tells me that the blog has 500 followers, I’ll do one. I may run a poll to decide which, or I may just choose. I’ll do another at 550 followers, another at 600, and so on. As well as stats and rules, I’ll throw in any memories or anecdotes that come to me as I’m writing.

Of course, nothing I post on this blog is official – here, I’m just another fan and I’m not challenging any rights held by Games Workshop, or Cubicle 7, or anyone else – so take them for what they’re worth, and feel free to use, modify, adapt, change, and generally play around with anything from the links below, here, and anything I’ll write up in the future.

So go on – tell me about that Warhammer monster you’ve always wanted to see for WFRP 4. Or – heck, why not – tell me about the WFRP 4 monster that you’d like to see adapted for one of the previous editions. And then, follow this blog and tell all your friends to do the same.

I’ve no idea where this will end up going, but let’s find out together!

The Monsters so Far:

Zoats
Ambull
Viydagg
Mardagg
Mabrothrax
Jabberwock
Gargoyle
Toad Dragon
The Spectral Claw
The Mud Elemental
Ngaaranh Spawn of Chaos
Leaping Slomm Two-Face
Zygor Snake-Arms
Independent Daemons
Chaos Snakemen
Menfish
Golems
Giant Bats and Fell Bats
Lesser Daemon of Malal
Greater Daemon of Malal

So vote with your follows, and let me know what you’d like to see!

And while you’re here…

Since 2020, I’ve been a director of Rookery Publications, a new indie TTRPG studio that I co-founded with some names that WFRP fans are sure to recognize: Andrew Law, Lindsay Law, Andy Leask, and Mark Gibbons. Our first product is available from DriveThru, and has garnered some good reviews so far. There is much, much more to follow.

If you like the idea of new, system-agnostic roleplaying products (which means that they have been designed to be used with any edition of WFRP, and indeed with any other ruleset) from our merry band, check the Rookery out on any of these platforms.

Discord is the the hub of a vibrant and growing Rookery community.

YouTube and Twitch each have a Rookery channel where you can find our weekly Inside the Rookery streams, where we chat with big-name guests from across the industry about all manner of things.

Inside the Rookery, along with the occasional Beside the Rookery streams, are supported by our Patreon campaign. If you like what the Rookery has to offer and would like to be part of our story, you can support us for a very low monthly commitment (and if you can afford more, we have higher tiers, too!), and get access to exclusive content like the Rookery masterclasses on game design and development and special publications like the just-released Mother Hoarfrost PDF.

And you can also find us on:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RookeryPublications
Twitter: @RookeryP
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rookerypublications/

We think it’s pretty cool.

Developing WFRP

October 11, 2021 Leave a comment

Ever wondered what the collective noun for a grim and perilous gathering of WFRP developers is?

The answer to that question and more can be yours when, for the first time ever, WFRP developers from all four editions of the game – Graeme Davis, James Wallis, Chris Pramas, Jay Little, and Andy Law – gather to answer your questions.

So, mark this date in your calendars: Wednesday 27th October at 21:30 UK time.

If you want to pre-submit questions, head over to the Rookery Discord: https://discord.gg/KGzxJw7Taw

Or, turn up on the day and comment on Facebook, Twitch, or YouTube. Our host, WFRP writer and editor Lindsay Law, will take your questions live and put them to the panel.

If you want to see our previous streams, head over to YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheRookery

If you want to know more about Inside the Rookery, head over to our Patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/InsideTheRookery

May be an image of 5 people and text that says 'PATREON Oct 27th, 9.30pm UK time on... inside the Rookery DEVELOPING WFRP designers and developers Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay discussing the grim and the perilous! A GRAEME DAVIS JAMES VALLIS -founder Wallis orna CHRIS PRAMAS Pramas epublishe JAY LITTLE designed editions Pulhng aaa game. Green Board Games. ANDY LAW Law developed WFRP4. He 2005's InsideTheRookery WFRP2. JOIN THE CLAMOUR! rookerypublications f RookeryPublications RookeryP game design. bl busier. FRESH RPG CHAT EVERY SATURDAY 7PM UK c/TheRookery @RookeryP live'

Even Rougher Nights


My WFRP 4 adventure collection Rough Nights and Hard Days uses a multi-plot format that I first developed at Games Workshop more than 30 years ago. It’s been widely discussed online, though to my surprise I never heard of anyone using the same style in their own adventures – until quite recently.

A little while ago, I got a very complimentary email from Arjen Poutsma in the Netherlands, thanking me for all the enjoyment that WFRP had given him and sharing a copy of a multi-plot Call of Cthulhu adventure he had written called Night of the Rising Sun. It is now available on DriveThruRPG.

As the title suggests, the adventure is set in Japan – 1830s Japan, to be exact, which makes it something of a niche product. Still, I think it is worth your time. It was designed to be run as a one-off, and would make a different and interesting con adventure. With a little work, it can be adapted to be run with 80s-era games like Bushido, GURPS Japan, AD&D Oriental Adventures, or Land of the Rising Sun, which will shortly be available in a new 5th edition. With a little more work and a little imagination, it can be set in any version of Japan from the 1920s of Call of Cthulhu to that of cyberpunk settings.


Thinking of Night of the Rising Sun reminded me that I had written one other multi-plot adventure beside those in Rough Nights and Hard Days. Called ‘The Last Resort’, it was written for the d20/3.5 rules and appeared in Green Ronin’s 2003 adventure collection Tales of Freeport.

The adventure has eight plots, which I won’t spoil by describing them here. It is set in a grand hotel and features a wide and diverse cast of characters, and while it fits right into the Freeport setting, it could easily be moved to Altdorf or another large city in WFRP’s Old World, or to 1920s New York, London, Paris, Berlin, San Francisco or somewhere similar for Call of Cthulhu.


‘The Last Resort’ completes the catalogue of multi-plot adventures that I have currently in print, but I’ll add a little teaser: there’s another one coming from Rookery Publications. If you don’t already know about this new indie publisher (which consists of WFRP veterans Andy Law, Lindsay Law, Andy Leask, and Mark Gibbons as well as me, and was described by one poster as ‘a roleplaying supergroup’), you can find out more here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1044080065964332/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/RookeryP

Discord: https://discord.gg/mMeRpPgY

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxVxRCPYv–_w9xFjW5fdOA


So are there any other multi-plot adventures on the market? Has anyone tried to create one for their own campaign? How did it go? Let me know in the comments section!

Menfish – Another Lost Warhammer Race

August 8, 2020 33 comments

Menfish? Yes, that’s right. These creatures were briefly a part of Warhammer lore. As well as the ad above from the first Citadel Compendium (1984), they were written up in the first edition Warhammer rules:

Index
FF65-2 “Ferocious Man-Fish” miniatures were apparently re-coded from the older “Fiend Factory” range, which supported the White Dwarf column of the same name.

A few other humanoid fish types were released, such as the Fishman in the C38 Chaos Beastmen release and the early WH40K minitaure “Zhar d’uin, Piscean Prince,” but there was no further attempt to develop the Menfish concept or to create another aquatic or amphibious race.

Blazindragon left a comment in my post on Chaos Snakemen asking if I could cover the Fishmen for WFRP 4th edition, so here goes. As always, what follows is in no way official and should be considered a fan work. No challenge is intended to copyrights or trademarks held by Games Workshop, Cubicle 7, or anyone else.


Menfish

Menfish live in the underwater caves beneath the sea, and a few communities have been found in larger lakes. They live by fishing, mounting night-time raids on coastal villages, and sinking ships. Loyal only to their own kind, they attack the communities of Humans, Elves, Greenskins, and others without making any distinction between them.

The Sea Elves and other peoples have sent embassies to the Manfish communities of the northern seas proposing alliances against the forces of Chaos, but without success. It seems that the Menfish treat all outsiders as enemies, and only a handful of ambassadors escaped with their lives.

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Traits: Afraid (Fire, Sunlight), Amphibious, Animosity (other species), Bite +4, Cold-blooded, Night Vision, Swamp-strider, Territorial, Weapon +6

Optional: Armour 1, Hatred (other species), Ranged +6 (6 yards), Stealthy


More Like This

Zoats: From Warhammer to 40K (and back again)
The Ambull: From 40K to WFRP (again)
Viydagg: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
Mardagg: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
Mabrothrax: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
Jabberwock: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
Devil Eel: A New Monster for WFRP4
Gargoyle: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
The Toad Dragon: An Old Citadel Miniature Described for WFRP4
The Spectral Claw: An Old Citadel Miniature Described for WFRP4
The Mud Elemental: Two Old Monsters Combined for WFRP4
Ngaaranh Spawn of Chaos: A Very Old Citadel Miniature for WFRP4
Leaping Slomm Two-Face, Another Old Citadel Miniature
Zygor Snake-Arms, Another Old Citadel Miniature
Independent Daemons for WFRP 4th Edition
Chaos Snakemen – A Forgotten Warhammer Race
Golems in Warhammer

Independent Daemons in WFRP 4th Edition

July 25, 2020 35 comments

A selection of miniatures from the Citadel C18 Nights Horrors and C22 Creatures ranges.

Before the two Realm of Chaos volumes presented the four Ruinous Powers of Chaos, Demons (as they were spelled then) in Warhammer and Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay were not too dissimilar from the demons that could be found in any other fantasy setting of the time – although some, usually described as “Chaos Demons,” were stranger.

I touched on the question of independent Daemons in my previous post on Gargoyles, so here is a rough treatment of them for WFRP 4th edition. Needless to say, what follows is in no way official and should be considered a fan work. No challenge is intended to copyrights or trademarks held by Games Workshop, Cubicle 7, or anyone else.


Independent Daemons

Instead of pledging themselves to one of the Ruinous Powers, some follow Chaos Undivided: the force of which, in their view, each of the Chaos Gods is merely one part. This is as true of Daemons as it is of mortals.

Although each Daemon is rendered unique by its combination of mutations and optional Traits, scholars divide them into four main classes:

Imps, also known as Least Daemons, are the smallest and least dangerous of their kind. They may serve Daemonologists as familiars and assistants, or devote themselves to causing trouble whenever the opportunity arises.

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Traits: Claws, Corruption (Moderate), Daemonic 9+, Fear 1, Night Vision, Size (Small), Unstable, Weapon +5

Optional: Clever, Cunning, Fast, Hardy, Mental Corruption, Mutation, Spellcaster (Chaos), Stealthy, Tail +5, Tough

Lesser Daemons are the mainstay of Daemonic armies, and are also summoned by Daemonologists and others to perform specific tasks. Occasionally, they may be brought forth from the Realm of Chaos by a magical accident, or overpower and kill their summoner. In this case they will rampage uncontrollably until banished or destroyed.

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Traits: Claws, Corruption (Moderate), Daemonic 8+, Fear 2, Night Vision, Unstable, Weapon +9

Optional: Belligerent, Brute, Champion, Distracting, Elite, Flight 60, Frenzy, Horns +5, Mental Corruption, Mutation, Spellcaster (Chaos), Tail +7

Greater Daemons are powerful beings, and can only be controlled by the most powerful Daemonologists. They are constantly looking for ways into the material world, and are capable of summoning other Daemons to do their bidding. Their plans have been long in the making, and involve far more than simple destruction. Often they hope to enslave mortals and create a daemonic nation of their own, with themselves as absolute rulers.

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Traits: Corruption (Major), Daemonic 7+, Night Vision, Size (Large), Terror 2, Unstable, Weapon +15

Optional: Armour 1-4, Belligerent, Bite, Champion, Dark Vision, Distracting, Flight 60, Frenzy, Horns +10, Leader, Mental Corruption, Mutation, Spellcaster (Chaos), Tail +10

From the Third Citadel Compendium

Greatest Daemons, sometimes called Daemon Princes, are the most powerful of the daemonic beings. No mortal can control them, though some may be able to make deals with them. On the whole,though, they have mortal servants rather than mortal masters. They appear only rarely, either at the head of a vast daemonic army or as the power behind a conspiracy to destroy a nation or an entire continent.

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Traits: Corruption (Major), Daemonic 6+, Dark Vision, Size (Large), Terror 4, Unstable, Weapon +20

Optional: Armour 5-7, Breath +10 (Fire), Dark Vision, Die Hard, Distracting, Flight 50, Frenzy, Hardy, Horns +10, Immunity to Psychology, Leader, Mental Corruption, Mutation, Painless, Rear, Size (Enormous), Spellcaster (Chaos), Tail +10, Venom (Very Hard)


More Like This

Zoats: From Warhammer to 40K (and back again)
The Ambull: From 40K to WFRP (again)
Viydagg: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
Mardagg: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
Mabrothrax: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
Jabberwock: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
Devil Eel: A New Monster for WFRP4
Gargoyle: A Forgotten WFRP Monster
The Toad Dragon: An Old Citadel Miniature Described for WFRP4
The Spectral Claw: An Old Citadel Miniature Described for WFRP4
The Mud Elemental: Two Old Monsters Combined for WFRP4
Ngaaranh Spawn of Chaos: A Very Old Citadel Miniature for WFRP4
Leaping Slomm Two-Face, Another Old Citadel Miniature
Zygor Snake-Arms, Another Old Citadel Miniature
Chaos Snakemen – A Forgotten Warhammer Race
Menfish – Another Lost Warhammer Race
Golems in Warhammer

My Top Five RPG Monster Books

January 18, 2020 14 comments

Ever since I saw Ray Harryhausen’s skeletons in Jason and the Argonauts on my parents’ black-and-white TV, I have been obsessed with monsters – especially those from myth and folklore. In my first D&D game, I played two thief characters, both of them killed by a minotaur. In the Games Workshop printing of the basic rulebook, I saw other names I recognized, and I was hooked right away.

I still love monsters, mythology and folklore, and monster books are still among my favorite types of tabletop roleplaying supplement. In this post I will discuss some of my favorites, looking especially at what each one offers the reader beyond the basic description and stat block.

Some of these are old – very old, but then so am I! – and there may very well be newer, even better books out there that I have not yet seen. If that’s the case, let me know! The comments section is right there at the bottom of the page. I’ll look forward to reading your views, and discussing what makes a monster book good, or great, or amazing.

So here they are, in no particular order:

Monster Manual 3.5

D&D Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual tabletop roleplaying rpg monsters Wizards of the Coast TSR

The original Monster Manual from 1977 was a landmark product in many ways, and just about every monster supplement published since has been influenced by it. Still, the 3.5 edition is better in my opinion. This is for three main reasons:

First, each monster description includes a ‘Combat’ section which covers the creature’s combat-related abilities and its preferred tactics. This makes it far easier to design encounters and run combats.

Second, the chapters at the back of the book – Improving Monsters, Making Monsters, and Monster Feats – make the book far more than just another collection of creatures. Following their instructions, the DM can customize monsters and create new monsters, providing the sort of endless variety that will keep players on their toes.

Finally, the list of monsters by challenge rating saves a lot of trouble when creating adventures. Page for page, it might even be the most valuable part of the book.

Today, no self-respecting monster book would be without these three features, and that makes the 3.5 Monster Manual something of a milestone.

Buy it at DriveThruRPG.

Petersen’s Field Guide to Lovecraftian Horrors

Petersen Chaosium, Cthulhu Mythos roleplaying tabletop rpg horrors monsters Lovecraft

There are Cthulhu Mythos monster books aplenty, but Petersen’s Field Guide stands out. It starts with a jokey-looking flowchart titled “Identifying Monsters of the Mythos” which is actually very useful indeed.

Fifty-three full colour spreads describe monsters in detail, including brief notes on their habitat, distribution, life and habits, and distinguishing features. A full-page main image is supplemented by sketches and notes illustrating different life stages and other peculiarities, as well as a human image for scale reference.

The lack of game stats is both a positive and a negative feature. On the one hand, they are something that readers expect in a monster book published by a game company; on the other, their absence makes the book system-independent. There are a lot of Mythos-based games on the market, from Call of Cthulhu to Delta Green to Arkham Horror, and their various rulebooks provide game stats for  pretty much all of the creatures covered here.

The book ends with an extensive bibliography, covering game supplements, fiction, and other sources. The section headed “Bibliography for Other Monsters” winks at the reader, for its contents are entirely fictional. However, it makes a great list of documents for player characters to find in-game.

One very nice touch is the provision of initial letters on the page edge. This makes it very quick and easy to riffle through to the creature you are looking for.

Buy it from Chaosium.com.

Old World Bestiary

Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay Old World Bestiary 2nd edition tabletop roleplaying rpg WFRP momnsters

I’m allowed to like this one, because I didn’t work on it. Packed full of grimdark Warhammer atmosphere, it is broken into two parts. The first presents common knowledge about various creatures, consisting of equal parts useful information, rumor, and prejudice, while the second, aimed at the GM, contains the more familiar descriptions, stat blocks, and rules for Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay’s second edition rules.

The presentation works well enough, and although it can sometimes be annoying having to flip back and forth to find everything on a particular creature, the atmospheric material is gold for a GM who needs something to tell a player who just made a successful Lore or Research roll. Another nice feature is the appendix of hit location tables for different body plans.

Buy it at DriveThruRPG.

GURPS Fantasy Folk

GURPS Fantasy Folk Steve Jackson Games Tabletop Roleplaying rpg Monsters

Fantasy Folk differs from a standard monster book (such as GURPS Fantasy Bestiary) in that it looks in depth at 24 races, providing enough detail on each one’s ecology, culture, and politics to create an almost endless variety of NPCs from each– and player characters too, if desired.

Centaurs, great eagles, and other non-humanoid races are covered in addition to the usual elves, dwarves, goblins, and so on. Best of all, each race is provided with a worked example of a character – essentially a detailed NPC, ready to go – and a selection of adventure seeds.

While most GMs will not use every single race in this book, it offers a solid starting-point for developing races for use in a campaign. Better still – and perhaps without meaning to – it provides a template for describing fantasy races of one’s own, which is far better than starting from a blank screen.

Buy it from Steve Jackson Games.

Trollpak

Trollpak Chaosium RungeQuest Glorantha tabletop roleplaying rpg troll

Chaosium’s Trollpak for RuneQuest was one of the first tabletop roleplaying supplements to describe a single race in detail, and it is still worth reading if you can find a copy. The boxed set consists of three booklets: Uz Lore (“Uz” being the trolls’ name for themselves) covers their nature and history, The Book of Uz presents rules and information on playing troll characters, and Into Uzdom is a selection of adventures. Also included are two more adventures and a 22” x 17” map of the troll heartlands.

Both atmospheric and useful, Trollpak sets a standard that is hard to beat even now, and anyone planning a single-race roleplaying supplement would be well advised to study it. There is much here worth plundering.

Buy it from Chaosium.com.

Honorable Mentions

In addition to these five, I have to mention two series of magazine articles that, to my mind, significantly advanced the art and craft of rpg monster descriptions.

The “Ecology of…” series in Dragon magazine established a very good format for looking at monsters in greater detail than the Monster Manual allowed. Sections on history (including, where appropriate, a short box on the creature’s origins in myth and folklore), physiology, psychology and society, and lair design offer invaluable information to the DM, and notes on the creature’s presence in various D&D campaign settings are useful to those who set their campaigns there. The sweetest meat, though, is saved for last: options for developing advanced versions of the creature, with at least one worked example. Like GURPS Fantasy Folk, these articles also establish a template which can be used for developing monsters of your own, which can only enhance both the monsters and the campaign setting.

Before the first “Ecology” article appeared in Dragon, though, TSR’s British arm published a short-lived magazine called Imagine. It ran to only thirty issues but contained a lot of innovative material – including the “Brief Encounters” articles. These presented a single new monster using a showcase encounter which was specially written to demonstrate everything that was new and interesting about it. Brief Encounters continued in Imagine’s even shorter-lived successor, the indie magazine GM Publications, and when most of the staff from both magazines joined Games Workshop, there was talk of re-using the format for Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay. However, the only published fruit of this effort was “Terror in the Darkness” in White Dwarf 108, which introduced a creature from the Warhammer 40,000 Rogue Trader rulebook to the Old World. More about that here.


These are my particular favorites, and I’m sure you will have your favorites too. I’m sure I have missed a great many very fine monster books, particularly given the way tabletop rpgs have proliferated in recent years. So don’t be shy – let me know about your favorites in the comments section. I’m always up for discovering a new monster book.

At some time in the future, too, I will set modesty aside and look at some of the monster books that I’ve worked on over the years, explaining what I was trying to achieve with each one and discussing how well I succeeded – or didn’t. (I did. It’s here.)

I’m looking forward to reading your comments and suggestions!

Troll à la Morceaux: A Warhammer Recipe

January 13, 2020 5 comments

This short piece of fiction was written in 1989 or 1990 for a never-published sourcebook on Ogres and Trolls in Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay. Marcel de Morceaux is mentioned in the adventure collection Rough Nights and Hard Days, and I might use him in some future adventure if the opportunity presents itself.

Marcel’s cookbook Adventures in Gastronomy includes some of the most ambitious – and dangerous – recipes ever published in the Old World. It is banned in many places, and of all its contents, Troll à la Morceaux is considered the riskiest. Even if every precaution is taken to ensure that the Troll does not regenerate back to life during the cooking process, one can never be sure….

Very few are brave or foolish enough to try this dish, but there are some in the Old World who will venture beyond the limits of convention and common sense in search of new and unique experiences.


Feast

Picture from Lure of Power: Nobility in the Empire (Fantasy Flight Games, 2009). Used without permission. No challenge intended to copyright holders.

The preparation of the flesh of the Troll requires the greatest care and the most trustworthy of assistants, but if the many pitfalls can be overcome, a chef who can present his lord with a dish such as Troll à la Morceaux will never want for employment. But you must remember, mes amis, that one mistake can lead to disaster, and such a disaster can lead to the gallows or worse.

Firstly, your Troll must be absolutely fresh. Do not trust those robbers who will sell you venison at ten times the price and tell you it is Unicorn or Troll. Great cookery demands that no short-cuts may be taken.

The butchering of a Troll presents several unique problems, but a chef who is truly dedicated to his art may be daunted by nothing. The Troll must be securely bound, with its head held in such a way that it cannot eat the ropes that bind it. As each cut of meat is removed from the carcass, it must be placed immediately in a strong marinade of vinegar – the strongest vinegar you can find, for the presence of acid will slow down the process of regeneration.

Any waste and off-cuts must be burned immediately, or if you have arranged to sell pieces to a wizard or alchemist, he must be on hand to take them away tout à l’instant. Remember, and drum constantly into your servants, that not even the smallest scrap of the carcass must be left lying about.

You must be extremely careful when cleaning the carcass, Remember the great size of the stomach, and the immense power of the acid it contains. If at all possible, seek the guidance of a wizard or alchemist in carrying out this process; it is not too much to offer him the stomach in payment for his supervision, for a mishap with a Troll’s stomach can be a catastrophe véritable.

After the meat has stood in the vinegar marinade for two hours, inspect it closely; if it shows the slightest signs of regeneration, add more vinegar. Keep the meat in the marinade for as long as you can – the longer it stays there, the more tender it will be when cooked – but take no chances.

Enfin, we come to the cooking of the meat. This requires the greatest of care, and must be carried out in two stages.

First, the meat must be seared to prevent it regenerating once it is removed from the vinegar marinade. Use a large skillet of cast iron, and heat it until it literally begins to glow. Drop the meat in, turning it repeatedly until all sides are seared black.

This done, the meat is roasted, fried, or stewed in the same way as beef or venison, allowing double the normal cooking time.

A final word of warning. Do not – jamais, never – undercook Troll. When le patron demands his Troll medium rare, it is perhaps time to consider a change of employment.

Trolls in the Pantry

If something goes wrong, the result could be like this – but not as funny.